“All my life I’ve tried to make everybody happy
While I just hurt and hide
Waiting for someone to tell me it’s my turn to decide”
“Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?”
Song Lyrics from “King Of Anything” by Sara Bareilles
In these painful lyrics, Bareilles asks in each stanza throughout the song, “Who died and made you king of anything?” In similar style, the Urban Dictionary defines the common saying, “Who died and made you the boss?” as a sarcastic response to someone who assumes a position of authority that they do not possess.
I must admit that I have had both phrases appear on a huge Jumbotron in my head when I hear judgmental statements about what SHOULD be or how someone SHOULD act. My inner nice guy warns that my thoughts are being unkind and that I SHOULD not be thinking such, lest I open my mouth and let the phrase roll out. As the Bareilles’ lyrics state, “Who cares if you disagree, you are not me.”
The Long And Winding Path
Does the urge to let loose my tongue come from entering that “certain age” where the filters come off? Or is it that letting loose with exactly how I feel is a result of reading too many Brene Brown books that give me permission to be vulnerable and open and not “waiting for someone to tell me it’s my turn to decide” as Bareilles writes. No and no.
The path of inner growth is not a straight course nor is it paved with rose petals and lined with fragrant honeysuckle. The journey toward higher consciousness, enlightenment, nirvana, bliss, a greater reality or whatever term we individually choose to assign is a twisted road often with roadblocks, detours, do-not-enter signs as well as potholes.
Birthing A Greater Reality
As Robert Brumet states in his book “Birthing a Greater Reality,” moving along this path and living through the process of transformation is like birth and “birthing is almost always painful.” (Sidebar, Robert, I might like to add that I have found birthing is ALWAYS painful.)
While we travel this road of transformation, we often stifle our own inner voice and, like Bareilles, we often attempt to make others happy waiting our turn to find our own authentic voice, live our life, be who we came here to be or more loftily, live out our Divine purpose.
In The Shadow Of The King
As Brumet also writes, acknowledging and claiming our “shadows” involves the ongoing effort of recognizing various projections or inner egoic “kings.” Noticing how the evolutionary inner voice or unconscious prompts and nags us to meet certain needs is integral in gaining traction in our ongoing transformation. But this inner voice isn’t truly the king. Rather, it is merely that dark or shadow side that is to be recognized, acknowledged and ultimately released after thorough introspection.
Not only are there no external bosses of us and our spiritual progress, but we must pay careful attention to that little inner dictator that would want us to doubt, stand aside, be fearful, live in the “should.”
The King Of Transformation
The incarnation of our physical self is a Divine gift. It is intended for us to use as we navigate this world of experience, the purpose of which is our personal transformation. We are here to deliver our talents, our voices, and our special heartfelt passions with others. We are not present for our experience, or birthing a greater reality, if we believe that someone has died, and been made the boss of us, or the king of our own personal transformation. The responsibility for personal transformation is ours, and ours alone.
Transformation is a process that requires attention and effort. It’s not an overnight nor instantaneous event. It might require “all my life” as Bareilles sings. Recognizing that our authentic and true self is with us from birth and that no one, but no one, is the king, the boss, or anything else that would stand in the way of who we are meant to be. We are, each one of us, the kings of our own transformations. And, we are, each one of us, beautiful works in progress.